I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
