Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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