Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He shit in the fireplace
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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