i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
