Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
