When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
