Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
