If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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