I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
