I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
