So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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