the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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