CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
