how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
