hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
