Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
