She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize