Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
