I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
