Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
