When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
