exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have started to decorate penises.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
