Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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