The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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