I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
