my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You made out with two different species that night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
