atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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