hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize