He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
