I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
