Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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