you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
