I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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