His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
