Soap is not a condiment
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
