How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
