I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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