Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
