I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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