i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
