Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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