Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
