I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sober January is a disaster.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
