Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
