She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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