AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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