i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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