youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
