You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
