did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
