omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
