I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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