I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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