ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
