He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
