All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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