she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
