i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
