Umm I'm too high to move.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
