How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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