lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
