If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
