he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Congratulations! We have a period
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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