my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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