My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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