Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
where are you?
Hypothermia
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
