Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
