Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
