He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
