I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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