honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
